She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
