Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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