Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
