I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
