oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
