I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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