you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
