How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
