Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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