my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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