I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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