By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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