She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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