i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
