Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
