I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
