some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
