Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
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Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
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Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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