yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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