If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im holly from the hills drunk
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
