Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
