i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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