Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
