Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
