five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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