there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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