I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
