I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
