Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
