i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize