dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think your dad took our porno
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
