I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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