I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
