I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
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i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
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every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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