Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
