took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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