I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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