is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
