Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
