Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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