I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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