HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
