I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
