she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
