Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
