dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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