You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
