I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
