someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it's like heaven, but drunker
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
im on a boat
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