I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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