I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
