New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
