I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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