I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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