If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She bit a glass in half.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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