we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
