i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
