so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
