i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
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You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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