Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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