shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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