I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
