apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
