I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
